welcome ... enjoy yourself

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

thoughts on motherhood (week 1)

Today we're celebrating one week since we welcomed Baby T into the world.  Which means (crazily enough) that I've been a mom for a whole week!  Here are some random reflections on the beginnings of my transition to motherhood.

- I had been warned that the first week of motherhood would be a roller coaster ride, and it truly has been.  Between the physical recovery of the c-section, side effects of pain medications, sleep deprivation, and general exhaustion from labor recovery -- my body has been through the ringer.  Hormones have strengthened all the emotional ups and downs of the week.  The downs have been tough, but the ups - oh man, they have been fantastic.  Holding my baby to my chest, breastfeeding, studying his little body, seeing others love on my baby, realizing over and over again that he is mine -- my heart has never felt so full.

- The night we came home from the hospital, I had a minor break down.  Sleep deprivation from five sleepless nights hit me hard.  All the feelings seemed to roll over me at once.  I cried on Paul's shoulder, and the only thing I remember saying was "sometimes I don't even remember what we named him!"  Paul responded "at least we have lots of nicknames for him."  I chuckled through my tears - a theme for that first night at home  So far that's been the lowest low, but I'm sure it won't be the last time I cry on Paul's shoulder about something related to motherhood.

- I love being on this side of labor.  I love that we have our baby, and he's not going anywhere.  I love getting to know him and watching him grow.  

- I've had a few extremely proud mama moments so far.  The first was hearing someone in the operating room announce my baby's weight: 9 pounds 8 ounces!!  Yeah baby!  Another was when my doula called me a warrior following my labor.  Laboring with Baby T was the hardest thing I've ever done and to have it recognized was a huge boost to my spirit (other people in my birth team recognized it too - she was just the first I remember hearing).  A third came when we went to Baby T's first doctor's appointment, and we found out he had almost regained his birth weight and was up seven ounces in three days!  It's the little things :)  And everytime Baby T latches or we have successful nursing time, I feel like the proudest mama in the world.  

- Speaking of being proud, I think the part of my body I'll be most proud of from now on will be my c-section scar.  It sounds strange, and extremely unglamorous, but this scar will be a reminder that I was able to overcome one of my biggest fears to bring my baby safely into the world.  I surrendered and let go when I needed to, and it showed me I could let go of my ego and put my baby before myself.  It helped show me I have what it takes to be a mom.  

Paul took the picture above sometime in between getting my epidural and beginning to push.  Those were a special few hours hanging out and waiting to meet our baby.  

Monday, June 22, 2015

welcome baby t

I am so happy to announce the arrival of our little baby boy -- for the blog's purposes Baby T (like Mr. T except smaller and cuter).  Born June 16th, weighing 9 pounds 8 ounces and measuring 22 inches long.  Mommy and Baby T are both healthy and doing well.  

Labor and delivery took everything I had.  After forty hours of labor and three hours of pushing, my doctor told me that the safest option for delivering Baby T was a c-section.  I was scared and disappointed, so I took a few minutes to talk with my coaching team, and we all decided to trust the doctor and go through with the c-section.  Less than an hour later we met our little boy for the first time.  I loved all of his hair, felt proud that I had grown such a big, strong baby, and was also totally out of it from all my pain medications.  About an hour later I got to hold him for the first time and spent the rest of the night holding him to my chest and figuring out nursing.  It was the most surreal, most beautiful night of my life.  

For now we'll be relaxing at home and getting adjusted to life as a family of three.  I'll be spending most of my time feeding, sleeping, and commenting about how Baby T is the most perfect, most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

i miss blogging

First, no baby yet.  If you're following along still, you might have thought my week long absence was due to having my baby.  Not so.  Baby still seems content to wait a bit longer to greet the world.  I've been really busy at work the past couple of weeks, and work and naps and laying low with Paul and a bit of baby prep were enough to eliminate any extra energy I had for blogging.  And it's made me a little sad.  

I've loved sharing photos and stories on this blog over the past three years, and I hope that doesn't end for a long time (or at least as long as blogs continue to exist).  But whereas I used to have time and energy to post five times a week, from now on I think I'll be lucky to get up one to three posts a week.  And I'm ok with that...errr I'm coming to terms with that. 

I've had big dreams for this blog over the years, but beyond updating my blog format, I never had the time to put into really growing and developing it.  Other things always took precedence.  Especially as I became more passionate about my job, I was spending less of my time in front of the computer and thus spent less time blogging.  I eventually decided that I didn't need my blog to be big or successful for it to still be enjoyable for me to write - and for some people to read.  So as long as it makes me happy, I'll keep it going.  

I don't plan on stopping blogging when the baby comes, but I also haven't figured out what blogging will be like with a baby.  Paul and I have decided not to post full pictures of our baby on the internet - including this blog, Facebook, and Instagram.  I've read enough about baby photo safety on the internet that I thought the risks outweighed the benefits of sharing photos of our beautiful babe online.  I imagine most of the blog will continue as normal, and then the baby related posts will follow the example of bloggers like Rebecca Caridad -- who posts photos of her little boy, but always slightly obscured for privacy.  It seems like that arrangement will work for us.  

And I think that's all my ramblings for today.  Thanks so much for reading and following along.  And I promise to at least post something about the baby when he or she is born.  Probably any day now!